I'm going to start this little letter by saying that this entire letter is a work in progress. It begins here, on Wednesday, July the 15th at approximately 02:46, and extends all the way up until the final publication, whenever that may be.
I like to think I started this wild adventure with you such a long time ago, but in reality, that is not so. It has only been a mere 10 or so months since I said my first (memorable) words to you: “So I was told you needed help with 105.” Only 10 months. Since then, we’ve seen ups and downs, lefts and rights, and everywhere in between.
How is it so easy to let someone in? That’s simple: sometimes two people meet and just click, like a seatbelt and a buckle. When these two people click, a little passageway opens up between them. Through this passageway passes information. Dark secrets, insecurities, hopes, dreams, aspirations, deep seeded fears, and more all are passed within this passageway. When this passageway first opened between the two of us I can’t tell you, it’s all lost in a jubilant whirlwind somewhere in the inner machinations of my mind. I think the first time in which the strength of this passageway was tested was after what I think to be the boy’s semi-final soccer game (or something of the sort) at Kean. That day, I had taken you out for Thai food where we partook in small talk and the like, and then we went off to the game. After, I took you to my special spot: Ponderosa(’s parking lot). I then asked a lot of you; I asked you to tell me your biggest insecurity. And you told me, with very little hesitation. If you’re wondering how it’s so easy to let you in, Caitlin, it’s because I feel so welcomed around you. You let me in, and consequently, I let you in. On that night, you opened the book that is my life, and you needn’t ever close it.
I think it so amazing that I’ve met someone as breathtaking as you. I take it for granted sometimes, how well you get me. Not everyone has someone who understands them like you understand me. Every time we simultaneously say the same exact thing out loud I think I fall a little more in love with you. Our minds are on the same wavelength, and in order for two people to work well together, they must always be on the same page, like us. Like you just said today, “Perfect couples can do anything.” And it’s my belief that we are the perfect couple.
Sure people can go on and say “Oh my girlfriend is so great, she does this and that and gets me and makes me feel special and whatnot…” You, on the other hand, do make me feel special. For one, whenever we are in a group setting and I have something to say, I can always count on it getting attention from you. You never let me feel left out and always value and accept what I have to say. Why, though, does this make us the perfect couple? Because what I say sometimes is completely fucking nuts. I am sexual, weird, and I swear like a goddamn sailor. But you still accept me. What’s more, you are weird along with me. Nothing makes me smile more than your face that looks like a gorilla. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when you talk about sex with Anita and she gets all uncomfortable and stuff. I think something I value most in you is that you are comfortable in your skin, and being able to do all this weird, quirky shit truly exemplifies that.
Now being that this is an ongoing project, today I received your necklace in the mail. I want to dedicate a little blurb to that. I loved the idea that you had with the coordinates of where you are. The dichotomy of the distance and the familiarity makes for the most special gift I could’ve ever asked for. This is also why I chose to do the same for your gift, to bring you the same dose of happiness that you brought to me. You also said something along the lines of “when I think of your necklace, all I’m going to think about is our fight.” Well I don’t want this to be the case. When I look at the coordinates on your bracelet, all I can think is, “that’s where the love of my life will be. That’s where she’s smiling and laughing and living her jubilant life, and the image of this alone makes me smile and remember all the laughs we’ve shared together over the past 9 or 10 or however many months. And when I see the phrase on the other side, “I is love you mostest,” your voice echoes jovially through my head. When you look at my necklace, I hope you do have a similar reaction. But I do not want to nullify your original thought, only modify it a tad. I don’t want you to only think about our fight when looking at that gift. I do, however, want the subject to cross your mind. We fight. We’re not perfect. We have our fair share of disagreements and arguments. But this is all part of being of a couple, a real couple. I love you through thick and through thin and everywhere in between, and just because we fight, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. We wouldn’t advance in our relationship without disagreeing with one another, addressing what needs to be addressed, and changing what needs to be changed.
So on another note, by the time you read this, you’re either going to be at Pitt or somewhere close to being at Pitt, which means that you’re probably not sitting next to me. But I want you never to forget something love: I’m never more than a phone call or text message or Skype session away. Technology is a great thing (as exemplified by this magnificent work of art website) and I want us to utilize it to the fullest capacity. So if you’re ever having a shitty day, just gimme a call. If you’re ever having a really great day, gimme a call. If you feel overwhelmed by anything, whether it be a project, roommate trouble, homesickness, or you just miss me, just gimme a call. I’m always here for you, Caitlin. I’m your rock, here to keep you grounded and sane. And to love you, that’s my job. So if, after reading this, I’ve made you really happy, or I’ve made you sad (which I hopefully haven’t, the purpose of this whole project is quite the opposite), or you don’t believe a word that I’ve said, just gimme a call and let me know. It warms my heart to hear your voice, and I need all the warmth I can get in Boston. You remember where Boston is right? It’s at 42.3389° N, 71.0903° W, and if you’ve forgotten, just look at your neck. That’s where I am: around your neck. Right there with you. Forever and always, to the moon and back and to the moon again, to infinity and beyond. I love you.